Not all winners hold a trophy

I’ve been fascinated with the world of bodybuilding since 2012. I kept on seeing girls on Instagram and would think wow!!! I’d love to look like that. I took the plunge in 2013 and competed twice and then again in 2014. My prep in 2014 was brutal I weight trained for 90 minutes 6 times a week, completed 30 minutes power walks at midday and on an evening would then pedal for 75 minutes on my spin bike. Come show day I was whacked. Not just physically but mentally too. I’d put so much pressure on myself for this show and felt so disheartened when I didn’t place.  So in 2015 I made the decision not to compete and spend time loving myself again and rebuilding my relationship with food. Bodybuilding is as much a sport of the mind than it is of the body. Some days you’ll love yourself and others you’ll cry as you think you resemble a whale. I also become a binger. Every night after finishing work I’d retreat to our treat cupboard and gorge on chocolate. I was on the verge of an eating disorder. I had to take control before it controlled me.

BNBF July 2013
BNBF July 2013
Miami Pro November 2013
UKBFF June 2014

So here we are in 2017. I’m 16 months post baby and I’ve just started to prep for my 2nd show of the season. My first prep of the season has been a good one. No silly cardio sessions. I lifted heavy weights 5 times a week and at the most I completed 30 minute cardio sessions 4 times a week. The reason I’ve come back to the sport is I love the discipline. I  love seeing the body change. I love the new friendships you make and I love the inner strength you build. Also the biggest reason is I fell out of love with my body. All woman have a negative relationship with their body post baby, its natural but it actually left me depressed. To the point where my effort in dressing nice wasn’t even there. I was hiding in gym leggings and hoodies and catapulting myself into jeans that were way too tight as I couldn’t admit that I needed a bigger size. I didn’t realise how unhappy I was until my husband posted a photo of me on his Instagram in July 2016 and I looked and thought who is she? I felt sad as I realised I no longer loved myself. So I thought enough is enough and I began tracking my food and training hard. Then in October 2016 I contacted my friend Tom. I approached him to coach me. My goal was to enter a power lifting meet and then compete as a bikini competitor in May 2017. We started this journey at at a pleasantly plump 70 kgs. Today I weigh 60 kgs. On show day I was a petite 57 kgs.

July 2016
July 2016

Prepping for a competition is hard and when you throw in having a part time job with responsibility and a husband who works away for 3 weeks at a time leaving me to fly solo looking after our two sons (7 years old and 16 months old). Sometimes yeah it is a juggling act but somehow I manage to juggle all them balls quite well. I prep my food in advance on my days off. Cardio is done either with the baby in his pram or 8 at night when the boys are in bed. Luckily the gym I train at is just around the corner from my office so I get there on my lunch break and my mother in law is an angel and helps me out a lot. At times I get tired and cranky (the baby still co sleeps with me) and want to reach for the chocolate so bad but I just think of the bigger picture and how I feel when I step onto the stage. I need to know I gave it my all. Even though I’m shaking like a leaf I love my time on stage. It gives you such a rush. However the week post show is quite blue. You feel kinda lost and under whelmed. You’ve spent months preparing physically and mental for an event and within hours its over. In the past I’ve post show binged and my weight has ballooned but I’m proud to report I’m no longer a post show binger. Yes I had a week from tracking. My coach advised I mentally needed to take a break.

Sadly I didn’t place at my show. The feedback I was given was to tighten up my lower body and add a little more size on my shoulders.  Thing is walking off that stage knowing I didn’t place didn’t make me feel sad. I was actually floating on cloud 9. The pride I was feeling was unbelievable!!! I did it!!

Photo 29-06-2017, 15 40 54
PCA May 2017
Photo 29-06-2017, 15 40 51
That cheek hurting smile

I’m now 12 weeks away from competing again and so psyched. I’ve never started prepping for a show before and actually loving the way I look before cutting. These days I’d say I’m a dress size 9…………….so a size 10 is too big but a size 8 is a hit or miss if it’ll fit. I’m weight training 5 times a week with 2 cardio sessions. I’m in a happy place and excited to see what package I’ll bring to the stage. None of this would be possible without the love and support from my friends and family. My biggest supporter is my husband who encourages me to shine and be a better person. I’m proud that I’ve overcome my demons and  that I love my body again. I’m a winner!

Like I say not all winners hold a trophy!




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